my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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