DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
