I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
