i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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