You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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