Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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