Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
