My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
