Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
