yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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