Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
