I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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