Betty ford says i'm here all night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
