No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
