dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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