You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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