How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I look better un-naked...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
