i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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