Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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