Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
