is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Even my vagina gasped.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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