Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
