I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
