just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
