I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
