i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
