I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
