Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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