Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
