things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
