Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
