You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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