Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
