Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
