I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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