The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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