I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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