So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
