he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
