i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
