Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
