Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
