I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
