Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
