Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
