"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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