Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
