Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
