It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
