oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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